All the hallmarks are there. She has apparently moved Justin Theroux into her apartment, at breakneck speed. And she has succeeded in getting herself talked about in all the gossip magazines, not so easy to do when you’re 42.

If I’m wrong, which I doubt, I still predict it’ll be over in a few weeks. Her neediness is there for all to see.

So it’s not surprising that long suffering fiancee Mezghan Hussainy spelt out an ultimatum to Cowell: ditch the entourage or we’re history.

One of the exes, Sinitta, even tweeted about it at Christmas after relations with Hussainy became frosty when she found that a romantic break had already been hijacked by Sinitta and Terri Seymour (another ex).

I can imagine how the conversation between Cowell and his exes went. “Oh but don’t you think Mezghan will mind?” To which the insensitive berk replied “It’s not up to her, if I want my friends to come, you can come.”

And because it’s probably quite fun to have your wealthy ex funding your holidays (with Sinitta on record as saying she’s hard up), they had no qualms about rocking up in Barbados. Mezhgan didn’t go, thinking enough is enough.

The only surprising thing to me is that Cowell has not kicked her into touch. Maybe he does love her after all, even though they are rarely seen together. The man has more ex girlfriends than most men have had pairs of jeans – 17 attended his 50th birthday party. Maybe he is serious about marrying Mezghan, oneday, or, on the other hand, perhaps it’s a way to silence those who think he is probably gay.

You wonder how famous stars like Melanie Griffith, Mickey Rourke and Faye Dunaway can get ripped off with such poor quality work. Not to mention stars like the hapless Michael Jackson, who was no doubt addicted to surgery. Did anyone ever say no to him?

Then there are others who have clearly had work done, but very well. In fact usually these people are evasive about whether or not they’ve had surgery or injectibles, but of course they have. My list includes Raquel Welch, Sophia Loren, Demi Moore, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jane Seymour.

I predict that over the next few years we’ll stop seeing the rush towards injectibles – botox and fillers. I reckon we will see a return to surgery, performed more naturally. Needles are seen as the easy and cheaper option, but fillers change the shape of the face and start to look lumpy. Many celebs have been caught out with a tell-tale puffy pillow face: Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, Madonna and Kylie at times, Dannii Minogue, Courtney Love.  Botox in excess also leads to a weird flat, shinyand/or surprised appearance as seen on the faces of Nicole Kidman, Anthea Redfern and Brix Smith-Start, whose eyebrows resemble Mr Spock’s.  Lip and breast augmentation are the two areas where surgeons seem to get it wrong most often.

At the end of the day it seems a real lottery as to whether or not you’re going to get a good job. Surgeons should be accredited to industry organisations but anyone can set themselves up to offer botox or fillers. I cringe when I see shabby beauty salons advertising these services. I am steering away from all this in the belief that we all get old and there’s nothing more ridiculous than an old lady whose hair and face are trying to stay young but her hands and gait give her away.

Debbie Reynolds and Julie Andrews, both over here recently, have both had “good” work done but it’s very obvious too and somehow that makes me respect them less. Joan Collins too, for all the nonsense she spouts about having good genes. She is the same age as my mother, who also had good genes and aged very well, but does not have the telltale signs that Collins has.

What do you think?

I agree that she is fatally flawed and has, time and time again, showed herself to be grasping, foolish and greedy.

But I can’t help feeling a bit sorry for her on this occasion. It seems she is a desperate woman: desperate for money. A few years ago she was broke and managed to claw her way back through her own hard work, being a figurehead for WeightWatchers, writing children’s books and so on. Now it seems she is broke again, and while you have to wonder at the profligacy that must be at play here, and the ineptitude of her financial advisors, you have to feel sorry for a woman of 50 with very little to offer than those precarious royal connections.

If it is true that she received just £15,000 a year in her divorce settlement, then shame on the royal family. Sarah Ferguson was always going to be a lolose cannon so they should have ensured she received enough income so that she doesn’t have to keep signing up for pitiful endeavours like the ITV documentaries she was making but has now been fired from.

It is surely only a matter of time before the hapless creature turns up on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.

But fast forward a couple of months, and in a dramatic turnaround, Alex entered the Celebrity Big Brother house to boos and emerged the winner. Jordan, now constantly booed when she makes a public appearance, has obviously realised she could bask in his aura for a while and make some money out of OK! and maybe a new TV show for Living.

Yes, there will be a two part OK!  special on the wedding I expect; then the honeymoon; maybe a baby? Then the first anniversary, and perhaps another blessing. All good cash cows. And no doubt Alex will capitalise on his CBB success. Who knows, we may even see him in a film.

But pity poor Alex, the lovable buffoon. He is no match for the machinations of The Pricey, as she likes to call herself. He’s not going to know what’s hit him in a year or so.

Well Hannah, I don’t recall you being in any films, although we definitely saw Kelly in a film about an Italian language teacher (her accent was admittedly well dodgy), and she made one about mermaids with Billy Zane, though we suspect it went straight to DVD.

She was recently on stage in another production, Fat Pig, and acquitted herself quite well.

She went to stage school. She’s written a book about glamour and created a swimwear line for New Look. And she’s been on the Strictly Come Dancing show and tour. She’s also had well publicised romances with Zane and “toyboy” Danny Cipriani. So definitely more likely to get bums on seats in the theatre than Waterman, whose claims to fame are her father and Eastenders, and, more recently, losing weight and being awful to her husband Ricky Groves. We wondered why she was never in the audience when he was in SCD. Seems she wouldn’t do it unless she got paid.

It seems the DVD fitness companies have honed in on ex-Eastenders lardasses and they get paid large sums of money, with a daily trainer, to shed the poounds and produce a DVD. I’m sure we’d all lose weight if we were thus motivated.

I didn’t mention Kelly’s other sideline, glamour model, and it’s presumably this that Hannah looks down her nose at.

My advice to Kelly is to decide if she is serious about acting, and, if so, drop the glam stuff.

His website revealed that he and Gigi (his tour manager) were delighted to announce the birth of a boy.

However, it was quickly denounced as hacking and untrue by one of his “spokespeople”. Furthermore, Van didn’t even know who “Gig” was.

Someone should tell him that 42 year old Gigi Lee was the manager of his recent tour and was made director of a string of his companies last year. He has since apologised for saying he didn’t know her, but says he is not the baby’s father.

A friend of Miss Lee’s has said: “He’s a jerk. I have no ideas why he is denying this.”

Looks like a married man has been playing away from home and is now refusing to take responsibility for his actions.